Editing Before and After
Line Editing Example: Personal Memoir
Before
If one wants a complete story of the long legal battle over invention rights, I suggest that one get a copy of the book by Nick Taylor LASER: The Inventor, The Nobel Laureate, And The Thirty-Year Patent War. New York: Simon and Schuster 1995
To understand the curious situation and my involvement with the patent war let me begin the story by pointing out that the laboratory that Gordon and I worked in was located in room 907 of Pupin Hall. Art Schawlow and Charlie Townes worked in room 905. Only an 8-inch thick wall separated the two labs. Yet the idea of the LASER was invented separately in each laboratory.
The curious tale began when I completed the research for my thesis. Rabi and Kusch wanted Gordon to do his thesis as a follow up to my thesis. They wanted him to examine the Hyperfine Structure Anomaly in the 2P(3/2) state of Thallium 203 and Thallium 205. The problem presented to Gordon was about a million times as hard as the problem I had worked on for my thesis. Back in the 1920s Einstein had done some calculations that indicated that the population of atoms in the 2P(3/2) state would be about a million times smaller than the population of atoms in the 2P(1/2) ground state of an atom.
After
For a complete story of the long legal battle over invention rights, I recommend the book by Nick Taylor LASER: The Inventor, The Nobel Laureate, And The Thirty-Year Patent War. (New York: Simon and Schuster 1995)
To explain this curious situation and my involvement, let me mention that the laboratory where Gordon and I worked was located in Room 907 of Pupin Hall. Art Schawlow and Charlie Townes worked in Room 905. Only an 8-inch thick wall separated the two labs. Yet the LASER was invented separately in each room.
The tale begins when I had completed the research for my thesis. Rabi and Kusch wanted Gordon to do his thesis as a follow up to mine. They wanted him to examine the Hyperfine Structure Anomaly in the 2P(3/2) state of thallium 203 and thallium 205. The problem presented to Gordon was about a million times harder than the problem I had worked on. Back in the 1920s, Einstein had calculated that the population of atoms in the 2P(3/2) state would be about a million times smaller than the population of atoms in the 2P(1/2) ground state.
Developmental Editing - Adding Insight and Personality to a Personal Essay
Before
The competition was in less than two weeks, and during that time span, I put in every last effort that I had in me. I had never been more hungry for success and a burning desire to come out on top overcame all my worries. That motivation became an impetus that fueled me to master my craft at the highest level. The Juilliard school year was coming to a close, and I reached out to my interim violin professor who graciously went out of his way to teach me free of charge.
Every day, I would wake up in the morning and visualize myself on the concert stage giving the best performance I was capable of. Visualizing my goals made it feel so real. I felt like I was living the accomplishment I realized that I would be able to take this mindset and apply it to not just violin, but any endeavor that I wanted to achieve. Through mentally training myself to look past all the negativity, and giving life in the practice room, I finally felt like I was ready. I was so hungry to capitalize on this opportunity, I spent every passing day living my dream.
After
The competition was in less than two weeks. I had ten pieces to perfect, two of which I had to learn and memorize from scratch. I have the ability to learn extremely quickly which gave me the confidence to go against the advice of a seasoned professional. Practice was intense, but I loved every second of it: numb fingers from eight to nine hours of practice a day, drowning in my own sweat, and playing on an empty stomach. I had one goal in mind, and I wanted it bad. The culmination of technical mastery over my instrument and psychological mastery over my mind made me confident in my ability to get to the final round.
Over the previous several months, I had spent hours reading books and internet articles on the brain. I learned about the reticular activating system and its function in filtering out information as it passes to the subconscious mind. I knew I could use this technique to mentally prepare myself for the competition in a very short amount of time. I trained my mind to believe what I wanted it to and to ignore negative thoughts that would deter me. I would say things like, “I’m going to leave the audience feeling touched. I am confident; I am charismatic; I am comfortable.” Confidence, coupled with a sense of charismatic practice would make me an unstoppable force on stage.